How to Deal With an Abusive Husband

Overview

Domestic abuse refers to various behavioral patterns, all of which aim to give one spouse control or power over his or her partner, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The specific abuse involved may be economic, emotional, physical, psychological, or sexual, and it usually results in the target feeling ashamed, hurt, manipulated, scared or some other negative emotion. Although the various forms of domestic abuse can affect people of any background or type, women subjected to such behavior may feel particularly vulnerable if their husband is the primary income earner or they have dependent children. Women can take specific actions to deal with an abusive husband.

Step 1

Listen and watch for the signs that indicate your husband is about to become abusive. Avoid situations that cause your husband to mistreat you. Compose several legitimate reasons for you to leave your home at any given time and use one when your husband begins to treat you abusively.

Step 2

Participate in activities outside your home as much as possible to interact with people who can help form a support network for you. Contact your local domestic abuse hotline and the domestic abuse shelters in your area to take advantage of their advice and support services. Stay in contact with friends and relatives, and share your experiences with the people you trust so you will not feel alone and helpless.

Step 3

Treat yourself well to maintain your mental health, positive outlook and self-esteem. Pursue activities and hobbies you like, and refuse to let your husband's negative behavior decrease your sense of self-worth. Protect your children and focus on providing them with a happy and safe home.

Step 4

Prepare in advance for abusive situations by establishing a safety plan to protect yourself and any children you have. Identify places you can escape to quickly, such as a room with a window leading outside or a nearby neighbor's home, and rehearse escaping with your children. Select a code phrase, signal or word to use with your children and others so they will know when you are in danger, and compile and memorize a list of essential contact information, such as telephone numbers for local shelters.

Step 5

Pick the option you believe is best: remaining with your husband or leaving him, either permanently or temporarily. Determine the different risks you will face in each case, such as the high likelihood of continued abuse if you stay with your spouse versus financial difficulties if you pursue separation or divorce. Consider the impact your decision will have on any children you have, too, especially since household abuse affects children even if they do not experience it or observe it, according to the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence.

Step 6

Visit your local police station to explore obtaining a protective or restraining order if you leave your husband but feel he is still an imminent threat. Pursue other measures to protect yourself and your children, such as getting a post office box or unlisted telephone number, moving, or opening new bank and credit card accounts.

Step 7

Meet with a qualified mental health counselor or support group regularly if you feel overwhelmed, whether you decide to leave or stay with your husband. Learn how to overcome the trauma of domestic abuse, maintain healthy relationships and rebuild your life through such therapy.